It only takes one word to make children cry

“Daddy, I want the meat you make outside.”

“Olivia, I’m not barbecuing today, honey. I’ve already made lunch.”

“But you said I could eat the meat you make outside?”

“I did? I don’t think so, baby, I never said I’d be barbecuing today.”

“You said it, daddy, you did!!

“Baby, I’m sorry, but lunch is ready, we’ll have a barbecue some other day, ok?”

“But you said it…”

My 4-year old is in tears now, and I’m baffled. What’s going on here?

I give her a hug, try to calm her down, but I have no idea what’s happening. 

I almost never barbecue just for us. I had no plan to do it today, I don’t even have any meat in the house! 

Did she get the day wrong? Is she just confused? 

Or… am I? Did I promise something and forgot? Is my memory already declining with age?? I’m only 43!!

Before I can rush off and schedule my first geriatric appointment, my oldest kid, Alice, says, 

“Dad, I think Olivia is talking about that meat you were hanging outside for a week, not a barbecue.”

“Oh, my beef jerky!! Is that what you mean, Olivia?”

“Yes, daddy! That’s what I want, the meat you make outside!!”

“Oh, now I get it. Of course, baby, I’ll get you some now...”

Between me, my wife and the kids, we speak four languages at home. 

But sometimes… it feels like less than one 😅

One word, one question

If my daughter had said “the meat you hang outside” I’d have understood her. 

“The dry meat you make outside” would have worked too (but that would depend on her understanding way more about meat than I can expect from a 4-year old!). 

Even “the meat you made outside” might have done the trick. 

One word changed, and she’d have gotten what she wanted immediately. But that one word being unclear or misleading was enough to mess up our whole conversation.

Maybe your audience won’t cry tears of frustration, but if they don’t get what you mean (or worse, misunderstand it) you won’t get nowhere. That is especially true when you describe the problem they have (and you can help with). If that is not clear enough, they won’t relate to your story or your talk at all. 

Now, I’m not suggesting you need to pore over every single word you ever say out loud or post, that would be ridiculous! What I am saying, though, is you need feedback that what you’re trying to communicate is getting through. And you can do it with one question: 

“What was my story about?” 

(Replace “story” by “talk”, “post”, “keynote,” etc. as needed)

The answer to that question won’t tell you everything, but it will tell you if they got the most important stuff. Usually that will be the problem you talk about and your proposed solution. If they didn’t get those, nothing else really matters. 

Get that right first, and worry about the details later. 

Clarity: it’s better than beef jerky🤘

-Francisco 

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