This is the only normal way to buy shoes

I walk into the shoe shop, ignore the sales clerks, and go straight to the back shelf. 

As I’m scanning up and down, one of the clerks asks me if he can help and I say, 

“I’m looking for the classic Converse All-Star. Black, ideally with the red line around it.”

“Ok… what’s your size?”

“10.”

He goes off, and a few minutes later he comes back with five boxes. 

As I sit down to try them, I noticed the boxes are not from Converse. They’re all Vans. 

“We’re out of any Converse your size, so I brought some other cool shoes for you to try,” he says. 

“Thanks, but I’m not interested,” I tell him as I get up to leave. 

“So you really just want Converse and nothing else??” 

“That’s right.”

As I walk out the shop, he looks at me like I’m not acting normal. 

And I walk out thinking that he doesn’t actually understand what “acting normal” looks like. 

What I want is not (always) what I need

Here’s his mistake: 

He thinks that what I want is a cool pair of skater shoes. Maybe something basic. Classic. And he might be right. 

But what I know I want is a pair of black Converse All-Star. Because I like the look of them. Because I had loads of them before and they’re comfortable. Because (I think) they look good on me. 

And maybe what I need is to feel like I’m cool, I’m one of the in-crowd, like no one can make fun of me for what I’m wearing. Maybe what I really need is to feel like I have worth, like I’m not a complete loser and that somebody one day will love me (wow, that got heavy fast 😅). 

Armchair psychology aside, could a pair of Vans, or any other brand, give me the same outcome? Most likely. It might even be better, because Converse shoes are far from perfect, and the one I like is not that easy to find. But I’m not there–yet. 

If he wants me to consider options, the first thing he needs to do is walk me from “Converse is the only thing I want” to “maybe there are other options I need to consider”. The easiest way to do that is to show me that Converse won’t give me what I want or, at least, that it won’t always be a viable option. Once I get there, then I can start looking around. 

The same goes for when you're trying to move anyone to action:

Meet them where they’re at. 

Engage with the problem they know (or think) they have. 

Show them why their solution is not (always) going to work. 

Then, and only then, you can talk to them about what (you think) they need. 

As long as that’s not a pair of Vans, which are really lame–while the classic Converse All-Star rocks 🤘

-Francisco 

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