The right way to be unprofessional and inappropriate

“Did I tell you about what happened at my dad’s flat?”

I’m out having lunch with friends when Sally asks me that. 

“No, I don’t think so.”

“Ok, so my dad moved out and I rented his flat to someone I knew from the MBA. We shared a cleaning lady, so a few days after he moved in she texted me something something like, ‘I found some strange things in your friend’s bedroom.’” 

“Oh-oh.”

“She sent me a video. The first thing we see is a wooden board with a hole for a person’s head in the middle and their hands on each side.”

“You mean like the ones from history when they were going to take someone’s head off?”

“Yeah, just like that.”

“Ok, that’s… different.”

“There’s more. The next thing we see are some scalpels…”

“Huh.”

“Some sort of electrocution device…”

“Jeez...”

“And also a full-body leather outfit that covers the person’s mouth.”

“Like in that Pulp Fiction scene where Bruce Willis wakes up locked in a basement??”

“That old movie? I guess so.”

“Old movie? Pulp Fiction is not… never mind. That’s a very interesting selection of stuff he had right there.”

“I know!! And he was using them in my dad’s flat!!”

“So what did you do?”

“Nothing, really. I mean, he can do whatever he wants, right? But he left after a few months, and I was so freaked out I hired an industrial cleaning company to scrub the place from top to bottom…”

“I don’t really blame you. Did you have any idea your friend was into stuff like this?”

“No! No idea at all. He just seemed like a completely normal guy.”

“Oh well, I guess you never really know what people get up to behind closed doors…”

We stop talking, and I look around the table at the rest of our friends. 

I’m not going to lie, I am curious… 

But some things we’re better off not knowing 😅

You can’t talk about that

With the right audience, you can talk about anything, but when you’re telling stories in a more professional context, you’ve got to thread carefully with some subjects–like sex, bathroom humour or anything involving your… privates. 

In most cases, my advice is to just avoid that stuff altogether, the risk of getting yourself in trouble by saying too much, or getting the tone wrong is just not worth the payoff. 

Having said, I clearly don’t avoid it. I like to live dangerously 🫣

But I do follow some rules to minimise the risks: 

• Keep the language clean

• Imply and suggest without saying anything explicit

• It should be funny, not scary, dramatic and definitely not sexy! 

Think more Friends or Seinfeld and less Basic Instinct! 

(I think I’m showing my age here 😂)

People do weird things, and that’s cool. It’s all part of the human experience. I don’t think any subject should be completely off-limits. 

But when it comes to things that could be considered completely unprofessional or inappropriate… 

Thread carefully. 

You can talk about anything you want… 

Just not always in the exact way you want 🤷‍♂️

Behind closed doors, do whatever you want. 

In front of an audience, though, you need to be smart about it. 

That’s part of the challenge of telling stories. 

It’s not scalpels, electroshock or gimp suits… 

But it can be fun too 🤘

-Francisco 

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