This is why you should break up right now

“I’ll probably break up with her soon.”

I’m sitting in the office with my boss, Peter. He just got off the phone with his girlfriend when he says that. 

“Oh. Really? You two seem so happy together.”

“We are. Things are really amazing right now.”

“I don’t get it. Why would you break it off, then?”

“Because that’s how all relationships go: at the start, you’re completely smitten, can’t keep your hands off each other, but after a while… it gets boring.”

Peter says that in a matter-of-fact way, like it’s not a sad thing at all. Peter is much older, so maybe he knows something I don’t.

“You don’t sound particularly bothered with that.” 

“Why should I be? I’ll meet someone else.”

That wasn’t my experience. I was head over heels in love with my first girlfriend for years, and I still am, really — that’s why I fled to a different continent when she dumped me. Eternal tortured love is all I’ve known so far. 

“But then… you’ll just do the whole thing over and over again?”

“Sure. Why not? The beginning is the best part anyway.”

I have no real answer for him. 

A few months later, he breaks up with his girlfriend. 

Not long after that, the company closes down, and I never speak to Peter again. 

20 years later, which I’ve spent with the same woman, there’s lots I wish I could tell him: 

That when the initial rush of passion fades, you’re left with so much more: companionship, understanding, love. Real, complicated, wonderful love. 

A much deeper relationship, that takes years (if not decades) to build. 

There are nights when my wife is having a bowl of cereal on the sofa and watching The Crown, I’m endlessly scrolling football news on my phone, we’re barely talking, and it’s great. We’re happy just to be near each other. 

I don’t know if Peter ever found that. I hope he has. 

But, if I’m completely honest, it can also be… a little boring. 

Sometimes I remember all those fireworks at the beginning, how exciting everything was, and I wonder: 

Did Peter have a point after all? 

It’s useless to think about that, though; I love my wife. The last thing I want is to meet someone new, start over, go through all that again. 

And even if I did… I couldn’t afford the divorce anyway 😅

That's not what it means… anymore

I often go on about the importance of capturing moments from your life that one day can become stories, but this is one aspect of that I haven’t talked about much: 

How the meaning of each moment might change completely over time. 

What you know or feel now might not actually be that different from how it was months or even years ago, but go back a decade or more, and it’s almost certain you’re looking at a complete stranger. Do some of your core values stay the same? Sure. For people who don’t live inside your head, you might even come across as the same person. 

But you should know better. You should know that the younger version of you was almost completely unrecognisable from who you are now. 

Telling people that is boring, though; much better to pick a moment from your past and craft a story where you hold it to the mirror of today. Those reflections won’t match, and that’s what the best stories are about: change. 

My conversation with Peter wasn’t anything more than a weird thing an older guy said to me in my 20s. I completely forgot about it for decades. I wish I hadn’t, and that’s why today I write down moments like that. 

I don’t want to wait until I’m an old man to find the wisdom I could’ve had all along — or, at least, to have more things to laugh about. 

For the record, I don’t really think Peter had a point. In relationships or stories, the beginning is not the best part: it’s just the part that grabs your attention. 

What comes after, and how it changes you, is really what matters. 

I’ll take 20 more years of that 🤘

-Francisco 

Whenever you're ready, there are 3 ways I can help you:

1. Getting clarity through your story to stand out from all the other coaches, speakers and entrepreneurs out there 

2. If you dream of speaking on the Red Dot, take this Scorecard and instantly discover how likely your idea is to be accepted by a TED-style organizing committee

3. If you (or your team) got any storytelling challenges, I’m sure there’s something we can do together ;-)

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